Sorting Nuts

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I didn’t wake up this day planning on telling the kids that sometimes boys’ testicles are referred to as nuts. We’d only used the scientific terms up until that point. I just wanted to order up some killer wings, drink a beer, and try this famous BLT I’d heard about. Family time. About halfway through our meal, two of my kids need to go to the bathroom. Classic. I’ll go.

“Mom, do I have nuts?” asks my 6 year old daughter trying to determine which bathroom to use. I hadn’t seen the sign yet.

“What?”  As my eyes scramble to see what she is reading. Oh. Ok.

“No Nuts, that’s us.”

“Why Mama? Are we allergic to nuts?”

“Yes. Totally allergic. No nuts for us”. Well, that’s what I wanted to say, end of story, but I try to tell it like it is.

The confusing part was that my 5 year old son, had come in “No Nuts” with us.

“But Mom, then he shouldn’t be in No Nuts. Pause. He has nuts, right?.”

“That’s right. You understand.” They weren’t laughing, which made it nearly impossible not to laugh. I held it together.

I sit back at the table and find something silly to laugh my guts out at that doesn’t involve nuts. My husband of 14 years senses my displaced laughter and narrows his eyes at me trying to figure it out.

Then, 6 year old daughter, says to 7 year old big sister, “Hey, Maya, you don’t have nuts, but Dawson does!”

Maya looked confused. “There’s peanuts for everyone on our table, Ava.”

I intervene with my best teacher-matter-of-fact-parts-is-parts face to explain the situation to Maya and do not look at my husband who I felt staring at me.

We proceed on our lovely family lunch as the children discreetly (thankfully) point to people sorting the nuts from the no nuts. On the drive home they talk amongst themselves, sorting everyone they know…Nuts. No Nuts. Nuts. No Nuts.

Parenting is nuts. –Shelisa

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  1. It’s like your plate game but way funnier, lol! 😉

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